In January of 2010, I had my first pregnancy and my first miscarriage. We were so excited to be pregnant but knew that the bleeding I was having couldn't be good. My blood levels were monitored twice/week for 8 weeks and the whole proces was completed a little after 8 weeks. What an ordeal! I was grateful that I'm in this business because no one in my medical facility really walked me through it. But Shan was great and I had to say to God, "If this isn't what you have for us right now, then I don't want it either." It was hard, but we were able to trust Him and move on.
On Thursday, April 15th, Shan and I had another positive pregnancy test! Thankfully this one wasn't and continues to NOT be associated with any bleeding. I'm at the beginning of my 4th week and really can't tell that I'm pregnant. Not a lot of body changes and no nausea, so it doesn't quite feel real. We are praying carefully as each day passes for God's will instead of what we want, which is a healthy pregnancy that doesn't end in miscarriage. But in the meantime, I've made some diet changes, I'm on good vitamins and I'm trying to exercise regularly. I get to go to MN for a week and will tell some old friends of our news. When I get back my first appt is set for the OB nurse and then in June, Lord willing, will be my new OB appt with one of the midwives who trained me!
It's amazing to me that it's just a concept right now, I'm not feeling anything, I'm actually believing a little stick that turned with my pee. But in the midst of this and in the midst of past grief, I love this little baby. All 4 weeks of it, with it's newly beating heart. I catch myself putting my hand on my belly or saying "I love you baby" and then laughing at myself. Shan is already talking to my tummy and we're dying to tell people. But that will come with time.
I am really liking pickles all of a sudden.
"For you created my inmost being. You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139: 13-14
shauna
